You're Only Young Twice

Flora throws an anniversary dinner in memory of her late husband, and entrusts the culinary preparations to Cissie, which leads to a mix-up of labels, and Epsom salts are substituted for common salt, giving the diners the runs. The labels are replaced but somehow history manages to repeat itself — literally.

Paradise Lodge is expecting a visit from The Queen (Elizabeth II). The ladies bribe Miss Milton to hold an election to decide who will present a bouquet to the royal visitor. Cissie wins, much to Flora's annoyance, and Flora resorts to a fake sob story to persuade her friend to relinquish the privilege. Miss Milton, however, is wise to Flora's tactics.

On her birthday, Flora characteristically withers about the cards and gifts received from staff and other residents, but perks up when Cissie tells her she has a surprise for her: a visit to the circus. However, Flora wrongly assumes it is a colour television and tries to hypnotise Cissie into giving it to her. The hypnotism works — but not on Cissie.

When Cissie accidentally buys a crystal ball, Dolly foretells misfortune, especially for Flora, but after Cissie lets in a man claiming to be the window-cleaner but is actually a burglar, Flora is the only resident not to have been robbed. She sets out to find the culprit but ends up attacking a policeman, whom she mistakes for the thief, thus bringing credence to Dolly's prophecy.

When Cissie wins a car in a sweepstakes, the ladies are encouraged to rifle the store cupboard to collect coupons to emulate her. Flora is determined to get into the act, posing with Cissie for the local paper's photographer, and, on learning that Cissie cannot drive, offering to take it off her hands — though she's in for a shock when the car is delivered.

When the vicar needs £500 to mend the church roof, Flora suggests a charity performance of The Sound of Music, but it's a disaster, leading to ex-actress Dolly putting on a show, which Flora sabotages in order to do her fake mind-reading act with Cissie. However, when the vicar decides he only needs a two minute contribution, it's Cissie and her rendition of 'The Merry Peasant' which is called upon to fill the bill.

Formidable Flora Petty dominates the Paradise Lodge retirement home, arguing with fellow residents Dolly Love, Mildred Farnshaw, and Katy O'Rourke, as well as dominating her friend Cissie Lupin. When a superior room becomes vacant, the ladies draw lots, only for it to be taken by a new — male — resident. However, when he leaves, Flora has a plan to persuade owner Miss Milton to let her move in.

Flora feels unwell, but, being banned from surgery, sends Cissie to describe the symptoms, and learns that she has a grumbling appendix. Admitted for an operation, she annoys everybody on her ward, but when Cissie takes a call from hospital, it would supposedly seem that Flora is no more.

The church's Spring Fayre is approaching, but Flora has fallen out with the vicar's wife, who consequently bans her from attending. However, Flora blackmails organiser Miss Milton into letting her run the tea stall — usually the prerogative of the vicar's wife. When the prize draw is announced, it would somehow seem that Flora has indeed won, thanks to a little crafty manipulation, but the ticket has gone missing, and Flora must rely on Cissie to recover it.

Miss Milton is incapacitated after an accident with a ladder, so Paradise Lodge is placed in the hands of a disciplinarian former sergeant major whose rigid rules cause Flora to lead a rooftop protest.

Flora is disturbed late at night by a baby's crying, and when she discovers the child left on the doorstep, it falls on the ladies of Paradise Lodge to care for him, or her.

Having been banned from most of the local shops, Flora returns from Peabody's — and a traumatic visit to the cinema — with a new model elephant for her collection. However, she suddenly realises that she has forgotten to pay, and enlists the other ladies' help to disguise themselves in an effort to return it.

On the strength of one of her old films being shown on television, Dolly is offered a part in a bread commercial, but when the director arrives, he feels she is too glamorous to play a homely grandmother. Flora is naturally happy to step forward to take over, but it's Cissie who lands the role.

A tipsy Cissie returns from her uncle Bert's funeral with a shoebox containing a £10,000 inheritance. Greedy Flora is of course only too happy to help her spend the money, to her own advantage. Unfortunately, nobody has told her that the notes are counterfeit.

Cissie places an innocent advert in the paper, requesting somebody with whom she can swap crochet patterns, but the ambiguous wording attracts a mountain of unsavoury replies, leading Flora to believe her friend is in danger from a stalker. She sets a trap for him, and although his intentions are honourable, it gives Flora the idea of placing an ad of her own.

Christmas Eve 1980: Cissie gets her wish to dress up as Santa Claus and dish out the presents, and goes to bed in costume. However, a similarly dressed burglar breaks in, and Cissie mistakes him for the real thing. Somehow, their sacks are mixed up, and the ladies end up with some very valuable gifts.

Christmas 1979: Flora has trouble organising the others with the caroling. Cissie has a mishap with super-glue whilst mending the nativity crib. Next day, the tree lights blow, and the concert is a disaster, but at least Cissie gets the presents she wants — an Action Man she names Beryl, and three camping stoves — which come in handy when the oven blows a fuse.

The ladies go on a day trip to Scarborough, where Flora had a wonderful honeymoon — in the room next to her husband. When the coach driver leaves for the afternoon, leaving the lunch hamper locked in the vehicle, Flora and Cissie break in and get arrested. Only at the police station does Cissie remember that she has the keys.

When Flora goes to church, she is appalled to hear the vicar announce that Cissie is to marry local librarian Horrace Maddox. On being questioned, Cissie learns that she accidentally said accepted his proposal. To get her friend off the hook, Flora visits a marriage bureau to get Horrace another wife, but when she succeeds, Cissie is suddenly envious.

The ladies decide to earn some extra money through outwork, and go to the job centre, where Cissie ticks a box indicating that they will be addressing envelopes. Therefore, they are surprised to find five thousand models of Native Americans, which they're expected to paint. The work done, they return to the centre for pay, but an unwelcome surprise awaits them.

After yet another disagreement with Miss Milton over another resident, Flora moves out, taking the loyal Cissie with her. However, their new abode is a squalid affair, with a greedy, miserly landlord. Dolly and Mildred are appalled when they visit. It is hoped that they can persuade Miss Milton to allow Flora and Cissie back again.

Cissie picks up the office phone and finds herself talking to an obscene caller, which, in her innocence, she enjoys. An outraged Flora demands action to trap the pervert, and persuades a reluctant Roger to make a similar call, so that Miss Milton will take action. In the event, somebody else beats him to it, spelling misfortune for the vicar.

Having robbed the post office while Cissie is present, Fingers and his brother Junior hide out at the retirement home, taking the residents captive. Flora drugs and disarms the gun-toting Fingers, but Cissie makes a deal with Junior, allowing the pair to escape — though the ladies are left with the loot.

On St George's Day, patriotic Flora is displeased when Miss Milton's German uncle-in-law Klaus visits. However, she changes her tune when he tells her that he finds her very attractive, and eventually proposes to her. Unfortunately, there is an obstacle in their path, and her name is Cissie. Klaus thoroughly dislikes her, and Flora is forced to choose between her best friend and a new life in Germany.

Flora wants to impress Mr Petty's niece and nephew, who are visiting the next day, with a glamorous perm, but all the salons are conveniently booked up. When Flora learns that Cissie has a home perm kit, it seems to be the solution. Unfortunately, the result is a disaster, but the ladies know how to improvise.

After arguing with everybody and storming out, Flora returns some six hours later with a bandaged head: claiming to have had an accident and lost her memory, she is uncharacteristically sweet and delightful to be around. Whilst Mildred believes she is faking, and Cissie takes advantage of the situation to get her own back, Miss Milton's idea to jog Flora's memory finally does the trick.

When gypsy Maddalena visits to tell fortunes, Flora is scornful and dismissive, resulting in Maddalena putting a curse on her. Soon enough, all the gypsy's prophesies start coming true, with Flora's friends suggesting she apologise. Since humility is not in Flora's nature, a compromise must be reached.

Miss Milton is planning to sell Paradise Lodge so that she can emigrate to Australia and wed her pen-pal. An appalled Flora finds out, and martials the other ladies into putting off prospective buyers: however, ultimately, they have the pen-pal himself to thank for preventing the sale.

When Mildred puts her sewing machine into an auction, Flora realises her engagement ring is inside, but is outbid by an obnoxious Irishman. They meet him at the pub and take advantage of his attraction to Cissie to get him drunk and reveal its whereabouts.

Accompanying Cissie to the doctor's surgery, Flora overhears the doctor discuss a terminally ill patient, and assumes it is Cissie. Thus she runs herself ragged ensuring her friend's last days are as comfortable as possible, roping in the others at the home. When she learns the truth, Flora is less than enthusiastic — especially as Cissie knew all along and was enjoying the attention.

Flora is desperate to get the fur coat offered in Peabody's sale, so she and Cissie hide in the store overnight, keeping one step ahead of the cleaners and the ancient security guards. Eventually, they fall asleep in the bedding department, but for Flora, the next day, there's a rude awakening, in more than one respect.