Late Night with David Letterman

A (bogus) look at the 1982 World's Fair; Hank Williams, Jr. is interviewed, and sings ""A Country Boy Can Survive;"" ""Celebrities and Their Auto Body Repairs;"" Elayne Boosler does stand-up; director John Carpenter plugs The Thing.

R.E.M. performs ""Radio Free Europe.""

Dave introduces his Columbus Day gift collection and fronts an Afterschool Special called ""They Took My Show Away;"" Gilda Radner promotes Roseanne Roseannadanna's ""Hey, Get Back to Work!"" book, which has an unusually long forward. Later she and Dave call Mrs. Elizabeth Gilles, the prototype for Gilda's Emily Litella character on ""Saturday Night Live.""

""Bad Phone Call"" to TV's Larry Hovis; Dr. Ruth Westheimer answers audience questions; Tommy Casabona drills a hole in Dave's desk to accomodate the desktop microphone cord (the legendary RCA 77DX); former ""Saturday Night Live"" creator/executive producer Lorne Michaels visits.

Dave invites poorly-seated audience member Cathy Renault to sit onstage; Andy Kaufman & Freddie Blassie visit; Alba Ballard and her assistant show off costumed birds.

""New Dial-It Services;"" Bill Cosby; comedian-juggler Michael Davis.

Leno suggests why aliens never visits MIT.

Dave returns to his Kitchen of Tomorrow with the Crouton Toaster. Later he and Paul stage a Rocket Chair Race. The Stupid Pet Tricks segment include a dog that can buy beer and a cockroach walking a tightrope. The postponed ""Know Your Staff"" piece highlights show guitarist Steve Cahn.

Dave unveils his Kitchen of Tomorrow, but not all of the props work.

General Electric has responded to the show's first batch of jokes. As such, Letterman has his own pushbutton and a brochure on pushbuttons, courtesy of G.E.'s General Purpose Control Department in Bloomington, Illinois. Before getting to the guests, Letterman shows off actual Christmas items.

Cold opening: ""Grant Tinker"" comments on sending ""Tom and the gang"" to Tokyo for the Late Night ""Japanese Show;"" Dave and interpreter Mako Hatori look at New Gift Items; Kenny Rogers visits; Larry ""Bud"" with ""Ask Mr. Melmansan""; Randy Bass on being an American playing professional baseball in Japan; Japanese game show producer Masahiro Takahashi is interviewed by Dave and Mako.

""Top 10 Complaints About Brent Musberger;"" ""Dumb Ads;"" Lily Tomlin; Dave answers the NBC complaint line; Sting and Branford Marsalis perform ""Roxanne,"" and talk about Bring On The Night.

More with the remote-controlled Neanderthal skull; after ""Small Town News,"" Dave has to rescue one of the Stupid Pet Tricks dogs from a burning green room; video: making a frequent stop at the same New York State Thruway booth; Marv Albert; actor Ron Silver.

Cybill ShepherdThe Giant Topaz; in response to Dave's cajoling about her dress that had arrived at NBC one week prior to her appearance, Cybill Shepherd appears, clad only in a towel; golfer Mac O'Grady; 80-year-old rock singer Gert Mulvin.

Lincoln BurnhamGoodbye to the Rough-tailed Jellyfish; ""Viewer Mail"" kills another actor/singer; Jonathan Winters gets a surprise visit from worshiper Robin Williams; Judy Mowatt sings; New Hampshire farmer Lincoln Burnham tells why he refuses to acknowledge Daylight Saving Time.

With the baseball season underway, Dave chats with all-time Home Run king Hank Aaron, then meets George Brett of the '85 World Series Champs, the Kansas City Royals.

Test video from the failed first attempt at the ""Late Night Monkey Cam;"" ""Supermarket Finds;"" Michael Keaton plugs Gung Ho; another ""Regulator Guy"" promo; a call to Arnie Barnes; Mariel Hemingway; Roseanne (Barr) does stand-up.

""Viewer Mail;"" Tracey Ullman visits; a look at the ""Chris Elliott, Jr. Show;"" comparing ""Cats"" and the Tyson/Holmes fight; Mike Ditka; guitarist Neal Schon sits in.

Viewer mail: Anton bites the head off a ""canary.""

Connie Chung narrates ""Dave Letterman's Old Fashioned Christmas,"" with Teri Garr, Ted Nugent, Bobby Rahal and Dave's ""family.""

Dave experiences spotlight trouble; ""Top Ten Least Known Norman Rockwell Paintings;"" Gerard's ""Family Circus"" scrapbook; a visit with ""Connie Plesko;"" Goldie Hawn plugs Overboard; ""Kenny The Gardener"" stops by; gourd lady Minnie Black; Bob Sarlatte.

""Elf Night;"" A NYC Christmas tree vendor shocks Dave by charging $75 for trees; Art Donovan talks about drinking beer and promotes the paperback edition of his autobiography Fatso; a look at Paul's new Christmas movie; Geena Davis.

The annual (bogus) lighting of the Christmas tree in Rockefeller Plaza; another call from Calvert's Goodwill Tour.

""Who Asked For It?"" Candice Bergen calls Dave a ""poodle;"" another plea from Calvert to come home from the Goodwill Tour; Jon Lovitz gets in a plug; Boz Scaggs sings.

Cold open: Dave & Paul send up the Quayle/Bentsen debate; a crowd at Shea Stadium's parking lot watches the show on Diamond Vision; a Super SloMo camera demonstration; Sid's birthday; Tom Hanks with vacation photos; Mike Wallace visits; Eddie Money sings.

Dave chats with artist Reinhold Marxhausen, inventor of the ""Stardust"" sound sculpture (which puts Dave ""in the mind of fairies"").

Paul does a commercial for new Late Night fragrances, ""Letterman,"" and ""Forever Biff.""

Via satellite from Tulsa: Roy Clark washes his truck; Roseanne (Barr) plugs her book (My Life As A Woman) and movie (She-Devil); more long distance chess with Garry Kasparov; Phil Collins sings ""Another Day In Paradise.""

Bruce Willis shares his memories of ""Moonlighting"" and plays harmonica on ""10th Avenue Tango"" with the WMDB and guitarist Robben Ford; higlights of Dave's tour of the U.S. House of Representatives with Congressman Jack Buechner; Dave and Garry Kasparov begin their chess match.

Chris Elliott makes the first of his many ""Triumphant Returns"" to Dave's show.

Included: ""A Day in the Life of Laurie Diamond,"" showing Laurie's many (bogus) responsibilities as Dave's assistant: getting him breakfast (a bucket of soft-serve ice cream); signing for daily fudge deliveries; helping Dave with his ""Golden Girls"" scrapbook; helping him get his hand unstuck from a cashew jar; finding his shoes; avoiding his ""mom;"" playing a prank on Willard Scott; answering his fan mail.

Don Novello of ""SNL"" fame promotes his new one-man show off-broadway; Dave welcomes the recently reunited Procol Harum.

Bette Sussman fills in for Paul, while Tom Brokaw talks about fly fishing.

Clip from March 28, 1989: Pestering Joan Collins on the ""Live At Five"" set.

• Clip from December 10, 1987: Steve Martin's card trick. • ""Best of Stupid Human Tricks,"" including Scott Vassil using his tongue to stop an operating electric fan (first performed on February 25, 1987). • Reprise of ""The Strong Guy, The Fat Guy, The Genius.""