The Jack Benny Program

At home, Jack falls asleep and two men try to rob him, encountering many booby traps in his bedroom.

It's ten minutes before showtime, and Gracie is nowhere to be found. Jack winds up letting George talk him into posing as Gracie for the show.

Jack recalls his old vaudeville days and the tours he made with his two partners Bing Crosby and George Burns in their act billed as Goldie, Fields and Glide.

When Mary calls to say she is coming over because she has something delicate to discuss, Jack thinks she is going to agree to marry him at last. So daydreams about what their twenty-first anniversary would be like.

Jack tries to call Liberace. Two operators, Gertrude and Mabel, talk about Jack. Jack finally decides to go to Liberace's home. The house is filled with candelabra. Liberace asks Jack to appear with him in concert. After Liberace performs solo, the two play 'September song' together, Jack on his violin.

Jack remembers last New Year's Eve: Mary is giving a party, but Jack is not planning to go because he has a date with Gloria.

Jack reads that Gregory Ratoff is planning a new production starring Irene Dunne and Vincent Price. Since he has always wanted to play against Irene Dunne, he tries to get first Ratoff and then Dunne to give him Price's part.

It is Rochester's day off, and Jack has to make his own lunch. A messenger arrives with Johnnie Ray's contract for a guest appearance, and Jack is horrified to see that Ray wants $10,000.

A detective tries to get a confession out of Baby Face Bogart.

Jack recalls his childhood for his biography.

Jack talks about his cruise to Hawaii with Rochester, where they encounter a series of characters on the ship. When Jack takes a nap, he dreams Marilyn Monroe is on board with him.

Jack, awakened by a phone call at 4 a.m., cannot get back to sleep. After he decides to go for an early morning walk, he comes home exhausted, but Mary comes over and reminds him that they were to go shopping for a new suit for Jack.

Jack loses to Rochester at gin rummy and has to do Rochester's chores for the day while Rochester plays golf. Jack goes to the market to buy groceries for Christmas dinner.

Jack tells an interviewer how he met Mary Livingstone years before when she worked at The May Co.

Jack is anxious to get home because some friends are coming over for their weekly jam session.

Jack relies on Rochester, his toughest critic, to give him an honest evaluation of the show, but when Rochester accidentally sleeps through the program, he tries to cover up with evasive answers to Jack's questions. At first Jack is angry when he discovers the truth, but later he sees Rochester packing and is afraid that he's leaving (unaware that Rochester is simply getting ready for a camping trip). Jack offers him extra days off — even Labor Day — and makes him a steak dinner, and Rochester milks the situation for all it's worth.

Jack is sick with a bad cold and Rochester is his nurse and Mary is fixing him something to eat. Jack is waiting for his lawyer to show up as Jack wants him to break Don Wilson's contract as Jack is blaming him for his cold. In a flashback, we learn that after a show rehearsal, Don Wilson invites them to his house to see some anniversary gifts and Jack repeatedly warns Don to check with his wife, Lois, Don always declines. After arriving at Don's house and after Jack is told by Mary to pay the $1.85 taxi bill and Jack gives the driver a 15 cent tip., Don is now worried that he should have checked with his wife first. Don has them wait at the corner of the house while he checks with Lois. Lois informs Don that she just opened a can of tuna as she didn't have time to go shopping. Don decides to have the gang show up

Essentially a filmed radio show, a few chairs and a microphone on a stage, Jack and company re-create what was a tradition on his radio show, a skit where "Old Year" packs up and moves out and "New Year" moves in.

Jack is featured in Look! Magazine. Mel Blanc heckles Jack from the audience. Guest stars Peggy King and Art Linkletter.

Jack makes sure Parisians remember him: he boasts to anyone he can corner that he drives a garbage truck. That's how an under-tipped hotel employee translates "star of stage, screen and television" for Jack. A garbageman compatriot is delighted to give Jack & Mary a free ride in his truck, while Maurice Chevalier takes them nightclubbing.

During Jack's monologue about his Christmas gifts, Don comes out to announce a purse has been found. It turns out to belong to Jayne Mansfield, who was sitting in the audience when the usher grabbed her purse she considers this to be a pretty sneaky way to get a guest star. Jack mentions The Girl Can't Help It, her latest picture. The Sportsmen Quartet and Rochester perform New Year's in Trinidad for the Lucky Strike ad. In the sketch, Jack hosts a talent contest. Mel Blanc plays an animal impersonator. The Landrew Sisters trio sings Did you ever see a dream walking. Leon Salvadore, a judo champ, is beaten by the six big men he asserts he will beat.

Rochester calls Jack in the middle of his monologue to tell him his Maxwell has been stolen. While he goes to the Beverly Hills Police Station, the Sportsmen cover for him, singing 'Puttin' on my top hat' while they get dressed on stage. Jack is amazed at the sumptuousness of the police station. Eventually the car is found; it has been returned to Jack's house by the thieves.

Dennis sings 'The 12th of never.' In the sketch, Jack plays Ralph Kramden in a take-off of The Honeymooners, with Meadows as Alice and Dennis as Ed Norton.

Jack wants to star in the movie version of his life story, but producer Buddy Adler wants Van Johnson. Van Johnson and Buddy Adler play themselves. Announcer: Don Wilson. Rochester: Eddie Anderson.

During the monologue, the President and Secretary of the Jack Benny Fan Club, Pasadena Chapter, come onstage. Don and Harlow Wilson do a soft shoe to 'Me and my shadow' for the Lucky commercial. Hal March, host of The $64,000 Question quiz show, is the guest; Jack asks him questions, and he tries to answer them for prizes.

Show opens with the audience in line to see the show, telling each other how their tickets were forced on them. In his opening monologue, Jack analyzes his own humor. Dennis sings 'Around the world in 80 days.' Don does the Lucky Strike commercial as a calypso number; Jack won't let him finish it. He introduces Mel Blanc as Otto Ketzler, a novelty music act from Vienna; Ketzler plays bottles filled with alcohol--as he tunes them, he becomes more and more inebriated. Don's wife makes Jack call the sponsor to explain that the curtailed commercial was Jack's fault, not Don's.

Ernie shows Jack his moustache collection, and Jack tries some of them on. Don, dressed as a Beatnik, does the commercial with the Beatniks, to the tune of 'Beat generation.' In the sketch, Jack and Ernie are in a posh prison on Nob Hill in San Francisco; it is 1970, and Ernie is due to be released, but he doesn't want to leave the cushy life

Dennis Day tries to horn in on Jack's talent show. Otto Kessler: Mel Blanc. Guire Sisters: Peggy Mondo, Iris Adrian and Jo Ann Val. Don Wilson is the announcer.

Rochester gives away Jack's old clothes, not knowing that money is hidden in a lining. Rochester: Eddie Anderson. Watson: Grandon Rhodes. Don Wilson is the announcer for the program.

'George Burns' crashes Jack's variety show, which features two songs sung by Ann-Margret and juggler extraordinaire, Francis Brunn.

Rochester imagines that a crazy doctor is operating on him. Rochester: Eddie Anderson. Don Wilson is the announcer.

Jack tells how he developed his thrifty habits as a child in Waukegan, Ill. Eddie Anderson.

Jack goes to a gym so that he can improve his physique and impress a young lady; Don goes with him.

Jack honors Don Wilson on the occasion of his 27th year working with Jack. The sketch relates how Don and Jack met: Jack's radio sponsor, the Universal Corset Co., holds auditions for an announcer for Jack's program, and Don is the only one who laughs at Jack's bad jokes. John Daly presents Don with a plaque; Jack disagrees with Daly's statement that Don came to his show when it was "down," and ends by breaking the plaque over Don's head. The Sportsmen sing "Down Yonder"

Jack has written his life story for television, and has his agent hire a child actor who is just as cheap as he is to play himself. Remake of the sketch originally done on November 20, 1954.

Jack goes Christmas shopping with Rochester and drives the staff of the department store crazy.

Jack takes his girlfriend Mildred to a violin concert, even though she would prefer to go to the fights. Jack spots the Stewarts in the audience and tries to get their attention by tossing peanuts at them, eventually driving them out. When Mildred turns on her transistor radio to listen to the fight, the entire audience leaves.

A heavy holds up a cafeteria where Jack is eating. Heavy: Dan Duryea. Announcer: Don Wilson.

Jack gets a haircut between the dress rehearsal and the show; none of the barbers want to do it because his tips are so small. Don and Oscar the seal do the State Farm commercial. Gisele sings 'Smile'. Jack asks her for a date, but she is busy giving a party to which she has not invited Jack. They do their violin duet, during which Jack's ten dollar suit from Hong Kong comes to pieces.

Dennis sings 'On the First Warm Day.' After being interviewed for an article on his life story, Jack daydreams about what he would have done had he not left home to go into show business: he would have given violin lessons.

An Old West spoof featuring Gisele MacKenzie. Tombstone: Gerald Mohr. Don Wilson is the announcer.

In planning a party for Dennis Day, Jack gets on the phone to find a cheap caterer, not realizing that Dennis is eavesdropping. Mrs. Day: Verna Felton. Mrs. Wilson: Ann Doran. Henry: Bill Walker. Caterer: Russell Trent.

Jack develops aspirations when soprano Roberta Peters performs. Rochester: Eddie Anderson. Announcer: Don Wilson.

In a flashback, Jack remembers his last New Year's Eve. The sketch is very similar to the one done on December 27, 1953. In Jack's dressing room, Dennis sings "An Irishman will steal your heart away." Dennis and Don, playing the tuba, do the State Farm commercial.

Jack asks Dmitri Tiomkin to polish an song he wrote.

Jack treats Jane Morgan to lunch.

Jack demonstrates why he's an insufferable golf partner.

Jack has four tickets to a new play. He and his new girlfriend were originally going to go with Don Wilson and his wife, but Don called to cancel. Jack's girlfriend gets him to call and invite Jimmy and Gloria Stewart. Jimmy accepts the invitation thinking he's talking to Jack Lemon. He and Gloria panic when they realize that it's Jack Benny instead.

Jack goes on trial for murder, defended by superstar lawyer Perry Mason (Raymond Burr). The women in the courtroom swoon over Perry, but his defense of Jack is feeble. When Jack asks how Perry always wins on his own show, Perry Mason sneers "because my writers are better than yours !"

Jack devotes the program to answering request letters from his viewers. One viewer asks about sound effects on his radio program, so he asks Ray Erlenborn to demonstrate; he makes the sounds of horses' hooves, a parade of marching soldiers, the milking of a cow, and a fight between Jack and John Wayne. For the State Farm Car Insurance commercial, Jack invites a serviceman up from the audience, who claims State Farm insured his tank in the Battle of the Bulge. Dennis sings a country western song. Jack's sister Florence has written in asking why he never gives Dennis or Don a chance to work alone; they do a Laurel and Hardy imitation. The last request is that Jack play a piece of serious music. Unfortunately, the accompanist sent over at the last minute by the Musicians' Union completely upstages Jack with his comic antics.

Jack fires his announcer, Don Wilson, over a trivial argument.

Jack is held for ransom in this sketch with George Burns. Kidnapper: Merry Anders. Accomplice: Warren Kemmerling.

Frankie Avalon appears with Jack, who signs him on for the show. Engineer: Frank Gerstle. Recording Manager: Cliff Norton. Don Wilson is the announcer.

Connie Francis plays the wife of a composer. Announcer: Don Wilson.

Jack's opening monologue is interrupted by a picture taking family who join him onstage. In the sketch, Jack and Rochester are leaving on a personal appearance tour, so Jack rents his house while he is gone. The renters are suprised by some of Jack's conditions for rental. English

Jack encounters nothing but headaches trying to make a flight to New York.

When Jack is omitted from the Ladies' Club's show, he confronts the entertainment committee: Mmes. Groucho Marx, Phil Silvers, Kirk Douglas and Milton Berle (who play themselves). Announcer: Don Wilson.

Jack and Bob do a skit about the time they auditioned their vaudeville act.

Jack tries to take over Lawrence Welk's baton when the maestro and his orchestra appear. Don Wilson is the announcer.

Raymond Burr wants to be a comedian, so Jack allows him to host the show.

In a parody of a radio show Jack portrays "The Fiddler," a mysterious figure who stalks at night. Dennis Day: Himself. Victims: Mel Blanc and Eliza Ross Thorne. Radio Actors: Charles Cantor and Jessalyn Fax. Don Wilson is the announcer.

Don's son becomes a playboy with Jack's help.

How Jack first met Dennis Day. Agent: Jesse White. Restaurant Owner: Sammee Tong. Announcer: Don Wilson.

Jack has problems: Don Wilson's son has to pinch-hit for Dad; and Jack's "talent find" has turned exotic dancer. Harlow: Dale White. Mrs. Wilson: Lois Corbett. Lisa: Beverly Hills.

Hawaiians are thrilled to sing Aloha to stingy Jack Benny, who gets only 1 lei, while a fellow passenger is covered with them. The romantic atmosphere of the Pacific cruise back to L.A. overwhelms Jack, who envisions a zoftig blonde passenger as Jayne Mansfield. Jayne breathes "You're Just Too Marvelous," to love-struck Jack.

When Clint Walker hints that his movie requires a big man to portray his brother, a rebuilt Jack appears. Usher: Pat Colby. Man on Tour: Ned Miller.

Carol Burnett is Jack's guest in this romp about a gambler (Jack) who's trying to fleece a rich plantation owner (Don Wilson) and his modest daughter (Carol).

Jack tries to win a girl away from Robert Goulet. Goulet sings "This Is All I Ask." Girl: Joan Marshall. Don Wilson.

The Smothers Brothers confound every attempt by Jack to force them into his straitjacket comedy formula while performing his theme song, but, even scarier to Jack, he is pinned under an unexploded bomb in a World War II London air raid. The UXB squad turns out to be the Smothers. Tom can't remember which wire to pull, while Dick uses the opportunity of Jack's being immobilized to lock in an appearance on Jack's final program.

The Kingston Trio and Jack are thrown into a Tijuana jail. Prisoner: Mel Blanc. Captain: Vito Scotti. Social Worker: Don Keefer. Policemen: Don Wilson and Benny Rubin.

Jack Jones appears as a moonlighting teacher in a sketch and sings "Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered." Don Wilson is the program's announcer.