The Expurgated Micallef Tonight

Registering a complaint – Surprise dwarf!

Consumer power…tips, Plainclothes fire cops

Stray monologue, A Current Affair dancer, Another Pete Smith prize read

Fast money, Vegemite Clear, Valentine’s Day cards

Via satellite, Stolen mailbag, What if Francis’ knee was Polish?

Consumer power…tips, Pete Smith’s prize read, Rob Hurst and stuff

Hello Jose, A tribute to Alan Jones, Francis Greenslade presents

Biscuits and stuff, Fond farewell, Hair raiser

Ricky Martin (yea, yea I know), with a prescient Tony Martin and a word from Keith Urban.

Michael McKean, Dave Graney, with Clare Moore and the Bad Eggs Orchestra

Ben Elton, with a complimentary silent (I contrast to Ben who, quite frankly, does go on a bit) Simon Tedeschi.

Dave Hughes, with Tim Friedman, and a musical number from The Whitlam's on a set designed for LeAnn Rimes who didn't turn up (because we forgot to book her).

Caroline Craig, with a non-speaking Jimeoi and Eric Thompson and Melissa George via satellite from the greenroom at GTV9 and Los Angeles respectively.

Delta Goodrem, Percy Sledge, with a bit of a chat with Rob Hurst

Shane Warne, Jamie Durie, with a brief glimpse of Jose Feliciano (not that he'd notice)

Barry Humphries, Kath and Kim, with a delightful cameo by Sigrid Thorton